Have you ever wondered what roles you play in the lives of others? And most importantly, in your own life? Yes, plural. There are more than one. We all know the roles of father, son, brother, daughter, mother, wife, lover. But at a fundamental level, there’s more. There’s something called Karpman’s “drama triangle.” It describes the basic patterns of our actions. The roles we take on in our lives. Most often unconsciously. And most often with dire consequences.
What is “drama triangle”?
- Victim: The person feels helpless, hurt, and dependent on others.
- Persecutor: Blames, criticizes, and controls the victim.
- Rescuer: Helps the victim, often at the expense of their own needs. At the same time, they maintain their helplessness by not helping them get back on their feet. Both in terms of conflict within the relationship and, more broadly, in life. This further intensifies the dependence on the abuser, even when the relationship clearly no longer serves the victim.
Interestingly, the drama triangle, of course, applies not only to personal relationships. It also exists in many professional relationships.
Karpman’s Drama Triangle – as exemplified by the business environment
It’s easy to imagine everything we talk about in an intimate relationship. Husband and wife, lover and lover. Even brother and sister. Unfortunately, the triangle can also appear, and often does, in professional settings. And it doesn’t have to be just about a boss engaging in mobbing, although that’s obviously the most glaring example, but also the easiest to cite. Imagine a coworker who always knows everything best in meetings and who challenges the team’s decisions. This is true, for example, within a turquoise company model, where everyone can put their own spin on things. And not just in the hallway.
The problem with the triangle is that while in personal relationships it has consequences for the individuals involved and often for their families, in a business environment it can impact the entire organization.
Consequences for the employee:
- Stress and burnout: The constant presence of dysfunctional relationships rife with manipulation, “hallway games,” conflict, and disrespect leads to chronic stress. This, in turn, leads to burnout, which can lead to health problems.
- Lack of motivation: Lack of recognition for efforts, creativity, and commitment, a lack of hope for real change, unproductive criticism, and a sense of helplessness can lead to a loss of motivation. From there, it’s only a short step to looking for a new job. More on this topic in the section on companies below.
- Lower productivity: People in the drama triangle often struggle to concentrate, make decisions, and complete tasks. This directly and negatively impacts productivity.
- Interpersonal conflicts: The drama triangle generates conflict within the team and fosters tension in relationships. This makes it difficult to “play the same ball” within the team and, more generally, throughout the entire company.
- Misunderstanding and loss of trust: Manipulations, blame games, and a lack of accountability that exist within the drama triangle lead to a decrease or even a loss of trust in the manager or company owner.
Consequences for the organization:
- Increased number of sick leaves and employee turnover: Employees who feel unwell at work are more likely to get sick and leave the company. This generates costs related to recruiting and training new employees. According to Business Insider, cited here by eRecruiter, the average cost of recruiting a new employee is approximately 5,000 PLN. This is, of course, only an average, as, as we know, costs can reach tens of thousands of PLN for a single position, especially a highly specialized one.
- Deterioration of the work environment: If things are going badly in a company unit, it negatively impacts the entire organization. Sooner or later.
- Decreased productivity: This, in turn, creates a domino effect. An increasingly large group may become involved in conflict, take sides, or even be “forced” to do so by social and business relationships. This is not conducive to achieving business goals and building a healthy team. Lower innovation: When employees focus on survival and avoiding conflict (and likely also on finding a new job), they lack the time, energy, or even the desire to work on solving business problems or increasing innovation.
- Reputation loss: A company with an active triangle may struggle to attract and retain employees and talent, as well as build a positive image among clients and business partners. This also applies to failure to meet DEI requirements, which, although often artificially imposed, are important to international clients who are reluctant to work with contractors who do not provide appropriate working conditions for inclusiveness. In a stressful environment, many talented individuals leave, unable to see a place for themselves where the whistleblower institution is ineffective or ineffective.
How to get out of the personal and professional drama triangle?
The fundamental issue is admitting that there is a problem. Awareness of the problem and one’s role in the triangle.
The next stage is accepting responsibility for playing one’s role. Not blaming others is a healthy response to difficulties. For many of us, this is the most common stage of “giving up” in such a situation. It’s easier to blame others, which is never healthy, than to simply leave the triangle.
The next step is communication, even hypercommunication. In human terms: “talking through the problem,” communicating one’s needs. And also learning to set boundaries.
The next stage is working on independence. In life and in work. Avoiding the need to remain dependent, in which the abuser, although theoretically “helping,” in practice puts us in a comfortable position. Nothing depends on us; we can always rest our head on the shoulder of the person who, for example, makes us feel guilty. It’s an emotional “carrot” that is simply convenient for a huge number of people.
Contrary to appearances, this also applies to rescuers. Many people have a rescuer complex. They often try to save the situation at their own expense, which means that instead of providing real help, they are often drawn into a triangle. And again, this doesn’t always apply only to personal relationships (psychological, physical abuse, alcoholism, etc.).
The final stage is seeking real and effective help. Here, we can offer our experience, expertise, and effective tools. Not only through therapeutic hypnosis sessions, but also through workshops. There, we will demonstrate extensively how to break free from the victim role and live freely and happily. Without paying attention to external circumstances, on your own, on your own two feet.
If you notice the patterns described in this material in yourself or your surroundings, contact us. We know what to do. We know how to help. Schedule a session.